get to

start to upset or annoy someone

B2

What does "get to sb" mean?

To 'get to' someone means to have a deeper emotional effect on them than ordinary annoyance — it suggests that something has worn down their defences and genuinely upset or unsettled them. The subject causing the distress is usually an abstract thing or situation, like stress, criticism, pressure, or a difficult atmosphere, rather than a deliberate action by another person. What makes this phrasal verb distinctive is the idea of penetration: the person may be trying to stay strong or unaffected, but the feeling eventually breaks through. You will often hear it in advice like 'don't let it get to you', which captures this sense perfectly — it's an encouragement to keep your emotional guard up. It can also be used with 'really' or 'start to' to show that the effect is building gradually over time.

Examples

How to use it

don't let + something + get to + person

This is the most common pattern, used as encouragement or advice to resist an emotional effect.

Don't let the negative comments get to you — focus on what you can control.

something + get to + person

Used to describe a situation or stressor that is emotionally wearing someone down.

The constant pressure at work finally got to him and he had to take a week off.

something + start to + get to + person

Used to show that the emotional effect is gradual, building over time rather than immediate.

After weeks of delays, the frustration was starting to get to the whole team.

something + really + get to + person

Adding 'really' emphasises the intensity of the emotional impact.

I know I shouldn't care what they think, but their attitude is really getting to me.

something + get to + pronoun (me/you/him/her/us/them)

Pronouns are very commonly used as the object and always follow 'to' directly.

She tried to stay calm, but the loneliness was clearly getting to her.

Common Collocations

the criticismthe stressthe pressurethe commentsthe situationpeople

Common Mistakes

Splitting the verb and particle

Unlike some phrasal verbs, 'get to' in this sense cannot be separated — the object must always come after 'to', never between 'get' and 'to'.

✗ Don't let it get you to.
✓ Don't let it get to you.
Confusing with 'get at'

'Get at someone' means to criticise or nag a specific person repeatedly and deliberately, whereas 'get to someone' describes an emotional effect that wears a person down — often caused by a situation or abstract stressor rather than a person.

✗ My manager keeps getting to me about my timesheets. (if you mean repeated nagging)
✓ My manager keeps getting at me about my timesheets. / The stress of the project is really getting to me.
Confusing with other senses of 'get to'

The same form 'get to' can mean 'reach a place' or 'have the opportunity to do something', so context matters. In the 'annoy/upset' sense, the word after 'to' is always a person or personal pronoun — if it's a place or an infinitive verb, it's a different meaning entirely.

✗ The criticism got to affecting her confidence. (mixing senses awkwardly)
✓ The criticism got to her and affected her confidence.

Usage

This phrasal verb is neutral and common in everyday spoken English. It suggests a deeper emotional effect than simple annoyance — more like being worn down or upset. It is especially frequent in the pattern 'don't let (it/something) get to you'.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does 'get to' always involve a person causing the problem, or can it be a thing or situation?

The source of the distress is most often an abstract thing or situation — stress, rejection, the noise, the pressure — rather than a specific person. This is part of what makes it different from deliberate pestering. You might say 'the weather is getting to me' or 'the job is getting to her', and both are perfectly natural.

Can I use 'get to' in the passive, like 'I was got to by the criticism'?

No — the passive doesn't work naturally with this phrasal verb. The structure is always that something (the stressor) gets to a person, and passivising it sounds very unnatural. Stick to the active form: 'the criticism got to me' rather than any passive version.

Does 'get to' in this sense mean the same as just 'annoy'?

Not quite — 'get to' implies something deeper than surface-level annoyance. It suggests that the feeling has broken through someone's defences and genuinely upset or worn them down emotionally. 'Annoy' is milder and more temporary, while 'get to' carries the idea that the person has been affected in a more lasting or significant way.

Is 'get to' (in this meaning) used in formal writing?

It's rarely used in formal written English. This sense belongs to everyday spoken language, advice-giving, and informal contexts. In a formal report or essay, you'd be more likely to use 'affect', 'impact', or 'take a toll on' instead.

Can I say 'it's getting to me more and more' to show the effect is growing?

Yes, that's a very natural way to express it. You can combine 'get to' with phrases like 'more and more', 'start to', or 'really' to show that the emotional effect is gradual or intensifying — for example, 'the situation is starting to get to me more and more lately'.

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