pull away

slowly become less close to someone in a relationship

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What does "pull away" mean?

To pull away in this sense is to gradually withdraw emotionally from someone you are close to — a partner, a family member, or a dear friend. It is rarely a conscious, announced decision; rather, it is a slow, creeping process that the other person often notices before the person doing it has even fully recognised it themselves. The withdrawal might manifest as less communication, reduced warmth, or a growing sense of absence even when two people are physically together. What makes this expression particularly distinctive is that it captures a relational asymmetry: one person is retreating while the other is watching it happen, often with confusion or pain. This is why the verb so frequently pairs with perception words — people feel or sense someone pulling away rather than being told about it directly.

Examples

How to use it

subject + pull away (from + person/relationship)

The core intransitive pattern — the subject is always the person withdrawing emotionally, and 'from' introduces who or what they are withdrawing from.

After months of tension, she finally pulled away from the marriage entirely.

feel/notice/sense + object + pulling away

Because withdrawal is often observed rather than announced, perception verbs frequently take a person as object followed by the continuous form of pull away.

He could sense his closest friend pulling away, though neither of them had said a word about it.

start/begin + to pull away (from + person)

Used to mark the onset of the withdrawal process, emphasising that it is gradual rather than sudden.

She started to pull away from her family around the time she moved abroad.

gradually/slowly + pull away (from + person)

Adverbs of gradual progression collocate naturally with this verb, underscoring its process-like rather than event-like quality.

Over the course of the year, he gradually pulled away from everyone who had once been important to him.

have been / was pulling away

Continuous aspect — both present perfect continuous and past continuous — is especially natural because the action describes an ongoing emotional dynamic rather than a completed single event.

Looking back, I realise she had been pulling away for months before we finally talked about it.

Common Collocations

pull away from a partnerpull away from a relationshipfeel someone pulling awaypull away emotionallygradually pull awaystart to pull away

Common Mistakes

Adding a direct object

This sense of pull away is intransitive and cannot take a direct object. If you write 'he pulled her away', you are using a completely different sense — physically moving someone — not the emotional withdrawal meaning.

✗ The grief made him pull away everyone he loved.
✓ The grief made him pull away from everyone he loved.
Confusing pull away with push away

'Push away' is transitive and means causing others to distance themselves because of your behaviour ('she pushes people away'). 'Pull away' is intransitive and describes your own emotional retreat from others ('she pulled away from people'). Mixing these up reverses the direction of agency entirely.

✗ He pulled her away with his constant criticism.
✓ His constant criticism pushed her away. / He pulled away from her after the argument.
Using the habitual simple present

Emotional withdrawal is a process or an ongoing dynamic, not a repeated habit, so 'she pulls away every Tuesday' sounds unnatural. The continuous form or a past tense is almost always the right choice.

✗ Whenever he feels stressed, he pulls away from his partner.
✓ Whenever he feels stressed, he starts pulling away from his partner.

Usage

This is neutral and fits both spoken and written English, especially in personal or relationship contexts. It almost always describes a gradual process, so the continuous form ('pulling away') is very common.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does 'pull away' always mean something emotional, or can it refer to other things?

No — 'pull away' has other senses too. It can describe a vehicle moving off from a position or a competitor increasing their lead. It can also describe physically recoiling from someone or something. The context usually makes the meaning clear: the emotional sense always involves a person gradually withdrawing from a relationship or bond, rather than a vehicle moving or a body making a sudden physical movement.

Why do I see 'pulling away' (the -ing form) so much more often than 'pulls away'?

Because emotional withdrawal is inherently a process unfolding over time, not a single moment or a recurring habit. The continuous forms — 'is pulling away', 'was pulling away', 'has been pulling away' — capture that gradual, ongoing quality far better than the simple present does. Think of it less like an event and more like a slow tide going out.

Can 'pull away' be used without saying who someone is pulling away from?

Yes, and it often is. When the relationship context is already established, dropping 'from [person]' sounds completely natural — for instance, 'I could tell he was pulling away' tells the listener everything they need to know if the conversation is already about a specific relationship. The preposition phrase is optional whenever the context supplies the missing information.

What is the difference between 'pull away' and 'drift apart'?

'Drift apart' describes a mutual, often unconscious process where two people slowly lose closeness over time — neither is more responsible than the other. 'Pull away' implies that one person is the one withdrawing, and the other person experiences it happening to them. The asymmetry is the key difference: pulling away is one-sided in a way that drifting apart is not.

Is 'pull away' used more in spoken English or is it fine in writing too?

It sits comfortably in both, though it leans toward informal and personal contexts. You will find it widely in spoken conversation, relationship advice writing, personal essays, journals, therapy discussions, and literary prose. It would feel out of place in formal academic or professional writing, where something like 'withdraw from' would be more appropriate.

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