toughen up

make someone stronger and better able to handle difficulty or criticism

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What does "toughen sb up" mean?

To toughen up means to develop — or help someone else develop — greater emotional strength and the ability to cope with hardship, criticism, or pressure without being overwhelmed. It implies a process of becoming less easily hurt or discouraged, often through repeated exposure to difficult situations. The phrase can be used to describe something that happens naturally over time ('years of setbacks toughened her up') or as deliberate advice or instruction ('you need to toughen up if you want to succeed here'). Crucially, it carries cultural weight: using it approvingly suggests that resilience is a valuable quality, while using it critically implies that someone is being dismissive of genuine emotional pain. Both interpretations are common, and the speaker's tone and context usually make the meaning clear.

Examples

How to use it

toughen up (no object)

Used intransitively or as an imperative when no specific agent is mentioned — extremely common in advice, self-reflection, and instruction.

She realised she would have to toughen up if she wanted to compete at that level.

toughen + object + up

The standard transitive pattern when referring to a specific person being made more resilient, with the object placed between the verb and particle.

The demanding internship toughened the new graduates up faster than anyone expected.

toughen + pronoun + up

When the object is a pronoun, separation is obligatory — the pronoun must go between 'toughen' and 'up', never after 'up'.

The early losses in competition really toughened him up.

toughen yourself up

The reflexive pattern is particularly common when someone is deliberately working to build their own resilience.

After a difficult first year in the industry, she decided it was time to toughen herself up.

be toughened up (by + experience/agent)

The passive is natural and frequently used to describe how a person has been shaped by a demanding environment, upbringing, or training.

He was toughened up by years of rigorous competition at national level.

Common Collocations

need to toughen uptoughen up recruitstoughen up mentallytold to toughen uptoughen yourself uptoughen up children

Common Mistakes

Wrong pronoun placement

With pronoun objects, the pronoun must go between 'toughen' and 'up' — placing it after 'up' is incorrect in English.

✗ The coach tried to toughen up them before the season started.
✓ The coach tried to toughen them up before the season started.
Confusing with 'grow up'

'Grow up' refers to maturing or behaving more like an adult in general, while 'toughen up' specifically means developing emotional resilience and the ability to cope with hardship or criticism. They are not interchangeable.

✗ She told him to grow up and stop letting criticism bother him so much.
✓ She told him to toughen up and stop letting criticism bother him so much.
Missing the tone of the imperative

Saying 'Toughen up!' to someone directly is often perceived as harsh or dismissive, even if that is not intended. Learners should be aware that this form can come across as unsympathetic, and may want to soften it (e.g. 'You might need to toughen up a little') in sensitive contexts.

Usage

This phrasal verb is neutral in register and works in both spoken and written English. The imperative 'Toughen up!' often sounds harsh or unsympathetic, so be aware of the tone it implies.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can 'toughen up' be used in the passive?

Yes, the passive is very natural with this phrasal verb, especially when describing how a person has been shaped by experience, training, or a demanding environment. For example: 'She was toughened up by years in a highly competitive field.' It works particularly well when you want to emphasise what someone went through rather than who put them through it.

Does 'toughen up' always refer to emotional resilience?

Not always — the same phrasal verb can also be used to mean making rules, laws, or penalties stricter, as in 'The government plans to toughen up sentencing guidelines.' However, this is a different sense with completely different collocations, and context makes it clear which meaning is intended. On this page, we focus only on the emotional resilience sense.

Is 'toughen up' positive or negative in meaning?

It can be either, depending on how it is used. When someone describes building resilience as a good thing — for example, in sports coaching or professional development — the phrase has an approving tone. When it is used to dismiss someone's genuine emotional struggles, it can sound cold or unsympathetic. Context and tone are everything.

Can I say 'I'm toughening up' in the present continuous?

In the transitive sense — where someone is toughening another person up — the present continuous is perfectly natural ('The trainer is toughening up the new recruits'). In the intransitive sense, where you describe yourself changing, 'I'm toughening up' is possible but sounds slightly unusual; 'I'm becoming tougher' or 'I need to toughen up' would be more natural choices.

Is 'toughen up' more common in British or American English?

It is widely used across all major varieties of English and is not strongly associated with any one region. You will hear it in British, American, Australian, and other English-speaking contexts without it sounding out of place. The related phrase 'harden up', however, is more commonly associated with Australian and New Zealand English.

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