grow apart

slowly become less close to someone over time

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What does "grow apart" mean?

To grow apart describes the slow, quiet process by which people who were once emotionally close gradually become distant from each other — not because of a fight or a single decisive moment, but because their lives, values, or interests have moved in different directions. It almost always refers to a mutual process: both people drift away from each other, even if neither deliberately chooses to. The feeling is often bittersweet rather than bitter — there is no villain in the story, just the passage of time. It is used most naturally in the present perfect or past simple, often alongside time expressions such as 'over the years' or 'after university', and is common in personal reflection, conversations about relationships, and emotional writing.

Examples

How to use it

subject (plural/reciprocal) + grow apart

The verb is always intransitive and requires a plural or reciprocal subject, since the distancing is inherently mutual.

The two sisters grew apart after they moved to different cities and built separate lives.

grow apart + time expression

Time expressions like 'over the years', 'over time', or 'after [life event]' are highly natural and underline the gradual nature of the process.

He and his college friends had grown apart over the years, though they still liked each other's photos online.

seem/appear + to have grown apart

Adding 'seem' or 'appear' softens the observation, making it less absolute — useful when speaking from one person's perspective.

They never argued, but by the time they retired, they seemed to have grown apart completely.

grow apart + without + gerund phrase

This construction highlights the absence of conflict or drama, which is central to the meaning of the phrasal verb.

They grew apart without ever falling out — it just happened naturally as their priorities changed.

Common Collocations

over the yearsold friendsgradually grew apartafter moving awaychildhood friendsover time

Common Mistakes

Using it with a direct object

'Grow apart' is intransitive and never takes a direct object. You cannot 'grow apart' someone — the verb describes something that happens between people, not something done to a person.

✗ The different schedules grew them apart.
✓ They grew apart because of their different schedules.
Confusing it with 'fall out'

'Grow apart' describes a gradual, undramatic distancing with no specific cause; 'fall out' means to have an argument or conflict that damages a relationship. If a specific incident is involved, 'fall out' is the right choice.

✗ They grew apart after a big argument about money.
✓ They fell out after a big argument about money. / They slowly grew apart — there was no single argument, just distance over time.
Using the present continuous

Because 'grow apart' describes an extremely slow, background process, the present continuous ('we are growing apart') sounds unnatural. The present perfect or past simple are far more idiomatic.

✗ I think we are growing apart right now.
✓ I think we have grown apart. / I think we've been growing apart for a while.

Usage

This phrasal verb is neutral in register and works in both spoken and written English. It always describes a gradual, undramatic process — if there was an argument or a specific event, use 'fall out' instead.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can 'grow apart' be used from one person's point of view, or does it have to be mutual?

The process itself is inherently mutual — you can't grow apart from someone who hasn't also moved away from you emotionally. However, you can absolutely express it from one person's perspective, for example: 'I feel like we've grown apart' or 'I think she and I have grown apart'. The phrasing just reflects that one person has noticed or is describing the shared dynamic.

Does 'grow apart' always have a sad or negative tone?

Not necessarily, though it is often bittersweet. It acknowledges that a once-close relationship has faded, but because there is no blame or conflict involved, it can be spoken of with acceptance or even equanimity. Phrases like 'we just naturally grew apart' suggest that the speaker has made peace with the change rather than feeling wounded by it.

Can I use 'grow apart' in the future tense — for example, 'we will grow apart'?

It's grammatically possible but sounds slightly unusual and even fatalistic, as if you are predicting emotional distance as an inevitable outcome. Native speakers rarely use 'grow apart' in the future simple. It is far more natural in the past simple or present perfect, looking back on a process that has already happened.

What's the difference between 'grow apart' and 'drift apart'?

They are very close in meaning and often interchangeable. 'Drift apart' tends to emphasise the passive, almost accidental quality of the distancing — like being carried away by a current with no effort or decision involved. 'Grow apart' carries a slightly stronger sense that the people themselves have changed and developed in different directions. In practice, most native speakers use them without making a strong distinction.

What kinds of relationships is 'grow apart' used to describe?

It is used for a wide range of close relationships: childhood or school friends, university flatmates, siblings, and romantic partners. It tends to appear in contexts where people once had genuine closeness but life circumstances — moving cities, changing careers, different priorities — led them to have less and less in common over time.

Related Phrasal Verbs

drift apart

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